You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
