Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
