I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
