Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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