this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Four minutes until I can fart!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
