Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
