Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
