Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
