you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
