Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
