my vag is so smooth its legendary
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
