look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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