You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
