We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
