An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
