you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
