Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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