The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize