Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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