So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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