When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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