Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
