I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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