we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize