I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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