she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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