I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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