And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
worst night to have a conscience
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
