Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
