Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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