dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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