I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
