I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
