You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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