So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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