yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
