Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
