Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
