She is in my trunk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
