Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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