I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
