Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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