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Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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