I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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