You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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