found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
