Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
