I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This toilet bowl is my home.
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