every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
tell me about the fingering
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