I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
