how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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