I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
where are my eyebrows?
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