but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
