Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
