I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
