I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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