she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
