I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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