yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
