I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
