I accidentally had phone sex last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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