If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
