I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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