I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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