Cold hands, warm shart.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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