He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
